


You Are Heaven to Me

by Tonight_At_Noon



Category: The End Of The Fucking World (TV), The End of the F'ing World (TV 2017)
Genre: Dark, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Purgatory, Romance, We Both Go Down Together, but still, enjoy if you can, i wrote one where they die, sorry all the same
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 03:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13989054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tonight_At_Noon/pseuds/Tonight_At_Noon
Summary: She runs with him, but neither of them get very far. Coming awake in a silent, empty world, they must find their way to the afterlife.





	You Are Heaven to Me

**Author's Note:**

> I want to preface this by saying please have confidence in me. If you like my other stories, rest assured that the only difference here is it may or may not make you sad. 
> 
> I've had this idea for months now and finally finished writing it down this morning.

_Under the waves/_

_I feel her pull my body down_

A Beautiful Sea | Sing Street

  *** * ***

The water is gone. I stare at the stretch of blindingly white sand in front of us, my heart thrashing wildly, my breaths forcing themselves out of my mouth before I’m ready for them.

It’s over.

I turn to Alyssa. My head is spinning, but I have a plan. For once, I have the plan. I am going to fix this.

“Say that I kidnapped you.”

She is confused. I see her listening to the words, but she can’t comprehend them. “What?”

I nod furiously, desperately. “Yeah. Tell them—tell them that I did it all, then you’ll be okay. Nothing will happen to you.”

Alyssa takes my wrist and pulls. “No, no, wait,” she says. We take a few fumbling steps. “We’re going together. Come on.”

But I have to stop her. So, I do. She’s looking up at me, her blue eyes wide and fearful. I shake my head. The rattling movement hurts. My brain feels as though it’s seconds away from bursting. “I’m sorry,” I tell her. And I am. For everything.

I reach down for the gun as she again asks _what_ , but before I can get to the weapon she is pulling it away from me.

“No,” she says firmly, holding the gun out behind her back.

I want to go for the gun again. I want to save her from this madness.

 _I_ killed him. It was _me_. Alyssa . . . she shouldn’t have to suffer for what I did.

Above the hill, I hear the police advancing. They’re shouting things. Angry things. I hear guns cock and boots slap the sandy grass. We are out of time.

“Let’s go,” I say, turning to run. But Alyssa has my wrist again. I rotate back. The sun is hot against my skin. I itch all over with adrenaline and sweat. “Alyssa, we need to go. Now.”

“I know,” she says hurriedly. The wind moves her blond hair around her face and her hand is shaking so violently that my arm starts to vibrate as she holds it. It’s as if she is short-circuiting. “But I have to say it.”

“Say what?” What words could be more important than our escape.

“James,” she says, urgent. Even her voice trembles. “I love you.”

 _I love you_.

Only one person has ever said they love me, and she took her own life in front of me. When that happened, ten years ago, I started fearing emotions. Attachments. I convinced myself they only brought pain and suffering and death. The less you care, the less you have to lose—that was what I told my eight-year-old self.

My dad, that was why I heard him crying at night still. He loved Mum too much. Back at home, before Alyssa, I would think to myself that he needed to stop feeling. It would stop the hurt if only he tossed aside his emotions. Listening to him sob into his pillow would make me angry. It made me hate him even more. How dare he still miss her?

But then Alyssa. . .

She changed everything. She muddied the waters.

I'm not afraid of love anymore.

She forces the words out ( _I love you_ ) and they bathe my ruddy cheeks. They twirl around my earlobes and sink deep into my pores. I feel them move like the wind through my veins.

I want to say them back. But we really are out of time.

My head jerks to the right as the men and women dressed in black padding and holding large guns charge over the hill. I tighten my hold on Alyssa's wet hand and pull her with me down the beach. I tell her to hurry, to not look back, to keep her hand in mine, and we race towards freedom. Towards safety. Our shoes sink into the wet sand. The effort of pulling them out is slowing us down.

Why didn't we take our fucking shoes off?

Sand swallows one of Alyssa's black ankle boots. It brings her to a halt and we jerk apart.

 _No_! We need to be together.

I turn, ready to seize her and save her. But it's too late. A bang goes off, jolting me, shaking me to my core. I blink, and when I open my eyes I see Alyssa staring at me with pain in her stormy blue eyes before she slumps to the ground. Blood pours from beneath her, staining the beach brown. Her dress turns a deep shade of pink.

It's over.

I face them, knowing my clock has run out. Hot, choking tears roll down to the sand.

I don't want to live anymore, I realise. My eyes catch Alyssa's still body and I want to, need to, join her. I look up. The officers are not holding back. They advance, shooting their weapons. Something hits me in the chest. The force of it knocks me backwards into the sand. My arms go out, and I feel Alyssa's cold, dry hand against mine. I rotate my stiff head, my ears ringing, a searing pain radiating through my body, and see Alyssa's closed eyes. What I wouldn't give to see those eyes one last time. I look up at the blue sky, wrapping my fingers around Alyssa's, wondering if that is where I'm headed. I smile at the clouds, and then the ringing stops.

The world goes black. Suddenly, there is nothing. Only a whisper remains.

 _I love you_.

*** * ***

I am by the water again. That same body of cold, deep water that seduced my mother with all of her sicknesses and sadness. It put her in a trance, invited her in.

I haven't been since it happened. Why am I here now?

Looking away from the rippling pond, I spot Alyssa. _Alyssa_. I had forgotten about Alyssa. How could I ever forget about her? She stands a couple of agonising feet away from me, her gaze planted on the family of ducks flapping on the other bank. I don't hear them make noises even as their beaks part and their wings writhe.

 _Why are we here_ , she says. She moves to face me and that joy I had felt, that relief, when I saw her is stripped instantly away. Her dress is soaked in pink. There are frays in the thin, floral fabric. There is a hole between her ribs. _Why are we here_ , she says again, and I pick up on the urgency in her strangely soft voice. She sounds like an angel.

But her question is the wrong question.

 _We're dead_ , I say. I walk towards her. I don't feel the grass beneath my slow, shoeless treads. _They killed us_ , I say as I reach her.

 _Oh_. She nods, because if anyone is going to take this news well, it is going to be Alyssa.

I reach for her hands. I thought she would be cold, but our fingers meet and I feel a heavy, heady warmth spread from the pads of my fingers to my elbows, to my chest, to my nose. _I'm sorry_.

 _Why_?

Doesn't she know? _You're dead because of me_ , I say.

 _Yeah, but you're dead too_.

The words are enough to lift the corners of my mouth by a centimetre. We're dead together. At least we're dead together. That is what she means.

She frowns and glances around the open space. _But really_ , she says, _why are we here_? _This isn't like any heaven I dreamed of_.

 _Maybe we're not in heaven_ , I say as I follow the trail of her eyes. Even in this dulled world, they are still a vibrant shade of blue. _Maybe this is like purgatory_.

 _Like in_ Harry Potter? _Do you think someone will show up and tell us we've got a choice between staying dead and coming back to life_?

 _No_. _It's more like a halfway point_. _Like we can't pass on until something happens that was meant to happen on earth_.

Our eyes meet. Alyssa's thumb goes in circles on the back of my hand.

Fuck. We were supposed to have more time.

 _Alyssa_. . .

 _Where are we then_ , she says.

I swallow a cricket ball. It is hard and dry and lands in my stomach with a thump. _My mum_ , I say. Be brave, James. She used to tell me that every night. Even when her sadness took over. _This is where she killed herself_.

Alyssa's eyes light up like stars in the clear, night sky. She tugs on my hands and lets one of them go.

 _Where are we going_?

 _Trust me_ , she says.

I do. I always do.

I follow her to the water's edge. I follow her to a dip in the ground. I follow her sure footsteps into the water. Our clothes grow heavy, but I do not feel the water against my skin. I only feel Alyssa's weight as she pulls me further in.

She stops when she can barely keep her feet on the silty bottom of the pond.

 _What are we doing_ , I ask.

 _Dying_ , she says.

 _We already did that_ , I say, watching her pink dress billow out in the deep water.

 _Yeah,_ _but properly this time_. _None of this purgatory shit_.

 _But_. . . I say, panic rising like the tide within me. I grip her tighter and move forward until our bodies touch. She is solid against me. Not dead. Alive. _But what if we aren't together_.

Alyssa moves her hand up my arm, dragging it up drowsily through the heavy water. Her fingers splay on my cheek. The other comes to join it and she holds my head firmly. Her neck tilts forward. Our noses brush.

I close my eyes. This is heaven to me.

 _We will always be together_ , she tells me in a languid whisper. _Be brave, James_ , she says.

Her words fuse against my unfeeling skin. She is always protecting me. Even here. Blindly, I find her mouth, my arms coiling around her waist. I hold her to me as I drag us beneath the water. Our lips meld together and I open my eyes to find her staring at me.

There is no fear in her eyes. Only the surety and recklessness I found when she first came up to me in the mess hall.

Everything has changed. We are not the same people we were only the week before. And we will never be any different now. We will be stuck as the juvenile delinquents we were when the police shot us dead. Stuck as a modern day Romeo and Juliet—two lovestruck fools in fair Verona, unwilling to live without the other.

I’m okay being remembered like that. I’m okay with that being our legacy.

We are running out of breath. I kiss her firmly, wishing she could consume me and make me a part of her.

 _I love you_ , I say, our mouths still connected. Bubbles rise around us.

She smiles against my lips. Her eyes slide closed, and I, the follower that I am, mimic her movement.

The world around us is once more stripped away. Only this time, all I see is white.

*** * ***

  _This girl is a beautiful sea_


End file.
